


"There's no me without us"

by randomfangirlsio



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Character Death, Cold Weather, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Not What It Looks Like, Number Five | The Boy Needs A Hug, Panic Attacks, Please Don't Kill Me, Sad with a Happy Ending
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-26
Updated: 2020-10-26
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:42:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27214357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/randomfangirlsio/pseuds/randomfangirlsio
Summary: Okay, this looks bad but I promise it's only sad for like, the first quarter of the first chapterI'm emotional, I have made myself cry while writing things, I don't have the heart to kill anyone (permanently)Anyway, an incident that Five experiences leads to him staying a lot closer to Diego's sideTitle is from Me W/O Us by Set It Off
Relationships: Allison Hargreeves/Luther Hargreeves, Diego Hargreeves & Grace Hargreeves, Number Five | The Boy & Diego Hargreeves, Number Five | The Boy & Grace Hargreeves, Number Five | The Boy/Diego Hargreeves
Comments: 4
Kudos: 51





	"There's no me without us"

**Author's Note:**

> The beginning might seem rushed, and characters might seem a little off, and I apologize for both  
> This is idea I just really wanted to get out and so I did
> 
> Chapter title is from Missing You by Set It Off  
> I recommend them highly, I adore them to death  
> Oh and please, please don't hate me, I promise I have good intentions

Five looked into the dark eyes that were just barely ahead of him. "We're gonna get out of this, but you need to pace your breathing first." Diego stated. Diego was squatting a few feet in front of Five, who was sitting on the ground with a panicked look on his face. He didn't understand. 

Five was confused. He had woken up, and found himself in Diego's bed. It was his bed at the academy, which was somehow stranger. Then, Diego took him on a walk to the park. That wasn't weird, Diego and Five had been getting along better for the last few months. What was weird was the fact that there was snow on the ground. It was only mid November when he'd fallen asleep the night before. 

Five knew he probably jumped somewhere in the future in his sleep, he'd begun to have a problem with that recently, and the nightmares had been making it worse. He was just lucky enough to have jumped somewhere with his family. 

Five took quick, shallow breaths. He knew Diego was worried, but he just couldn't seem to get a handle on fixing it. He was afraid, and he hated it. "C'mon, just look at me, and take a slow breath." Diego said, his voice softer than last time. Five did as Diego said. The problem was that dread was building up quicker than he could melt it down. 

They were in an alley, somewhere along the route between to park and the academy. Diego had mentioned how he'd run into a few sketchy guys, but only with his halter on, so they never messed with him. Five had thought the alley seemed a little too dark, and it was a little too late, but he found the way Diego rambled on almost heartwarming. Not almost, it was. This came with getting along better, the butterflies that loved screwing with chemicals in his brain. 

Then the problem started. Five had turned to round a corner, only to be thrown off by a punch directly to his nose. Five wouldn't have been so affected by it, but he had been in such a peaceful mindset from walking with Diego that he hadn't actually been thinking about the risks of a dark alley at all. Though Diego seemed to have kept it at the back of his mind. 

The man who had punched Five moved to grab him, but Diego beat him to it. He moved Five behind him, and swiftly elbowed the man in the gut. The man doubled over and Diego had moved to Five, who had stumbled back and fallen. Five was holding his hand to his nose, which had started bleeding. Diego was only acting panicked because Five looked so disassociated with the situation. 

Five took another breath, though it was shaky, it was slower. Diego flashed a weak smile. "That's better, keep doing that." Diego assured. Five gave a short, sudden nod. His hands were braced on Diego's shoulders, and his eyes were darting between Diego's eyes, and past Diego's shoulder. "Hey, no, don't look around, that's gonna make it worse. Keep your eyes on me." Diego stated quietly.

Diego knew exactly what was happening to Five, his only question was why it was happening now. Five had held the fate of the world on his shoulders before, and barely ever cracked from the pressure. But now? It didn't necessarily make sense. Everything was saved, and they had just gotten assaulted by a man in an alley. Diego was used to that though, and he assumed Five was too. 

Five looked lost. He was looking at Diego, and his eyes were steady. That was good. Diego set his hands on Five's shoulders gently. His eyebrows knit together as Five's eyes slowly moved to behind Diego. That was bad. Five's breathing began to quicken again, and Diego almost said something, but a sudden sharp pain through his gut stopped him. 

Diego glanced down, then back up quickly. He was hoping that Five didn't, but by the look on Five's face that Diego could only describe as despair, he did. Five began mumbling, "no, no, no," in an erratic voice. Diego took a deep breath, wincing at the sharp pain as he did. 

Five felt tears well in his eyes, and his hands slowly moved toward the blood that began to soak Diego's sweatshirt. It was a faint difference, but it was prominent to Five. The knife in Diego's back was jerked up abruptly, causing Diego to choke, and sputter dark crimson droplets. They landed on Five's cheek. 

Five could only watch as the fire that had always lit up Diego's eyes began to fade away. The knife was removed, and Diego fell forward onto Five. Five could already feel the blood seeping onto his uniform. Five was shaking, and his eyes were frozen, just staring at the ground behind Diego. He didn't understand. Five fell more distraught over this than he ever had when he was saving the world, it didn't add up. 

A few seconds passed, and Five hesitantly moved to lay Diego on the ground beside him. He didn't care about the man that would surely attack again, he just wanted to make sure Diego wasn't dead. Five was still shaking, but regained a little bit of common sense. He moved to take off the sweatshirt he'd thrown on earlier, bundling it up and holding it to the hole in Diego's stomach, silently praying that Diego would wince, even just a small movement. Nothing. 

Five went to check Diego's pulse, not caring about the blood that was covering his hands, or the fact that it would certainly be smudged on Diego's skin. Five's blood ran cold, and he already felt himself spiraling into a panicked mindset. Five just slammed his eyes shut, and laid his head on Diego's shoulder. Tears had begun to fall, and Five did nothing to try and stop them. With the way his throat was tightened, and the way his heart began to ache, there wasn't much he thought he could do. 

A flash of light enveloped Five, and when he opened his eyes, he was on his bedroom floor. Five knew he should've gone back and prevented the whole situation from happening, but he didn't want to risk screwing up. He didn't want to relive it if he failed. He took a deep breath, and though it was still unstable, it was at least slow. Five stood up, and dragged himself over to his door. He wanted to lie in bed and never get up, but he knew he should at least check where he was first. 

Five went to Diego's room first, and it looked like it did the day before. Unused. Five walked back out to the hallway, and almost questioned how quiet it was. Instead, he brought a hand up, and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. Five made his way to the living room, stumbling over a few steps, and almost letting out a sigh of relief when he saw his siblings. They, however, did the opposite. 

Allison immediately jumped up from her spot next to Luther on the couch, and Klaus followed hesitantly. Vanya stood, but stayed back. Ben and Luther could only stare. "Five? What happened?" Allison asked. Her voice was full of concern, and her eyes were as well. Klaus looked scared almost.

Five shook his head, holding his hand to his mouth. Klaus stared at Five's hand that was shaking. It wasn't subtle, it was closer to violent twitching. "Where's Diego?" Five stuttered, grimacing as he heard the sound of his voice. It sounded as it should, like he'd just been through hell, but that didn't mean Five didn't hate it. 

"He said he had errands to run. He might be at his apartment later but-" Allison stopped herself, sighing as Five disappeared. 

"He struggled."

Allison turned to Vanya. "When he warps, you can tell if he has a hard time doing it." Vanya stated, looking back at Allison with a worried look in her dark eyes. Oddly enough, it worried her to see that more than Five covered in blood. 

"He was shaking, bad too." Klaus mumbled. "I'm gonna call Diego, he's the only one that Five will come completely clean to." Klaus added, walking off toward the stairs. Allison began following him. 

Diego picked up his phone quickly reading the name and answering. "Y'know, I am in the middle of trying to unpack." Diego stated, even though he was finished. He'd gotten a bigger apartment, one with two bedrooms even. Allison had bought it for him, and Diego promised to pay her back. Allison insisted that he didn't, but Diego didn't take the request into mind. 

"I understand that, I do, but Five just walked down covered in blood. He just asked where you were, then disappeared." Klaus explained. Diego was already grabbing his keys. It was late, and though Five could surely handle himself, Diego still didn't like him being out alone with how young he looked. 

"Did you answer him?" Diego asked, walking toward the door. 

"Yeah, but we didn't mention the new apartment. We didn't have time Diego," Klaus almost sounded guilty. 

"Klaus, it's fine. I know how he is. I can go get him, it's alright." Diego replied. Klaus felt guilty almost anytime that something went wrong. Diego didn't need Klaus to admit it, it was always obvious in both his eyes and voice. 

"Okay, please try and calm him down, even if you have to be a little more aggressive." Klaus requested. Diego nodded to himself. 

"I will, I promise. I'll see you tomorrow, alright?" Diego replied. He heard Klaus sigh over the phone. 

"See you tomorrow, bye." Klaus said, his voice quieter than before. 

"Bye." Diego repeated. The familiar ding of the phone hanging up prompted Diego to shove his phone into his pocket. Diego made his way down the staircase, quickly jogging toward his car. The apartment he was in had a key card system, which Diego liked unless he was rushing. It had brick on the outside, but looked fairly sleek in the apartment rooms. Diego thought it was fitting. 

Diego quickly started his car, and began pulling out of the driveway. He figured that his old place would be the best place to look. Only Five had already been there, and left. 

Five took a heavy step, letting out a quick breath, the air turning white as he did. It was cold, and he regretted not taking a sweatshirt. He was walking through the park, even though his instincts had told him to stay at Diego's. A thin layer of snow covered the ground, not nearly as much as when he'd been out earlier though. 

Five's legs ached, and his nose almost felt numb. Five paused next to a bench, sitting down on it clumsily. He knew he should try and jump back to the academy, or back to Diego's apartment to wait. Five simply couldn't find the energy to. Plus, he was sure that if he went back to the academy that siblings wouldn't leave him alone. That wasn't something he wanted to deal with normally, let alone now. 

The image of Diego kept replaying in his mind. The harsh red of the blood, blank and glazed over brown eyes. Five hated the eyes the most. Stuck looking, but not seeing. Empty of the spark of life that Five could once admire for hours without Diego noticing. Five knew he admired them too much for his own good, yet wishes that he would've even more. 

Five pulled his legs up, setting his chin on his knees. The blood on his clothes had dried for sure by now, as well as the small trickle below his nose. Five was tired, but knew he'd have nightmares if he fell asleep. He hated it. It was a weakness, a moment of pure vulnerability. 

There was a woman sitting on a bench across the walkway. Five knew she was staring but he didn't care at this point. Five forced his eyes closed, trying to think of something, anything else. The only thing he achieved was growing ashamed of himself for not snapping into reality quick enough to save Diego. 

"Are you alright?" 

Five immediately snapped his head toward the women, eyes opening. He nodded quickly. "I'm fine." There was a bitterness to his voice, and if you listened closely, a hint of poison. The woman gave a small nod, and walked back over to her bench. It was clear she wasn't going to leave before Five did. 

Five ignored the shiver that ran down his spine. He almost stood up, just to drag himself to another bench, but something in the back of his mind told him to stay put. Five watched the woman subtly, looking toward her direction every few minutes. She was looking in a different direction now, and Five didn't care what at. 

Until he felt a hand on his shoulder. He almost tried to warp away, but didn't upon the hand being removed. Plus, Five was drained in every way, emotionally, physically. Even mentally, if Five was willing to stretch it. 

The only reason he didn't leave was because all of his family had a certain way of getting attention without putting him on edge. A hand on his shoulder for a single second before giving him space again. Five uncurled himself, looking at what he expected to be Allison or Vanya. Instead, he found eyes that he treasured as if they were as vital as his organs. In some sense, they were. 

Five immediately stood up on the bench recklessly, not caring about the risk of slipping. He threw his arms around Diego, locking him in a tight embrace. Diego returned it. "I've gotta get you to the car, you're gonna catch a cold." Diego said. Five nodded against him, simply moving his arms to grip Diego's shoulder, and hastily wrapping his legs around his waist. At this point, Five's dignity was just as important to him as finding a relationship was to Ben, far lower than 0.

"Please don't let go." 

The tone of Five's voice shattered Diego's heart. Like a swift hit from a bat to a car windshield. Diego moved a hand to support Five's thighs, replying, "I won't." 

Five finally felt himself relax slightly. Five's body threatened to melt against Diego, and Five let it. He let himself fall completely docile. Diego noticed, but didn't worry since Five's chest was rising and falling against his. He'd never really seen Five like this, and understood why Klaus was worried enough to call him. 

Diego started walking back to his car. Five and him had agreed that if they ever needed to meet up, that it'd be at the park. Diego didn't really know if that was why Five went there though. That was a question for later. 

Diego went to the passenger seat first, opening the door with one hand, and then leaning down with Five. "As much as it would be nice, you can't necessarily be on my lap while I drive." Diego said. Five hesitantly let go, falling back into the seat gently. Diego waited for Five to get situated before closing the door as quietly as he could. He walked around the front of the car, quickly getting in. Diego turned on the heat, turning to Five. 

"I have a hoodie in the back seat if you want it." Diego said. Five paused for a second. 

"Please." He mumbled with a nod. Diego gave one back, moving to grab the black hoodie he had thrown in the back the day before. When he sat back down, Five had taken off his blazer, sweater, and tie, and was in the process of unbuttoning his shirt. 

"Am I allowed to ask why?" Diego questioned, his tone soft. It always seemed to be with Five these days. Five glanced up, looking surprised. Spaced out, even. 

"I don't, the blood- I just don't want it getting dirty." Five answered, his words rushed. Diego gave a small nod, setting the hoodie in between the seats. Five just threw his shirt along with his other clothes. Then he moved the take off the shorts too, but paused. Five grabbed the hoodie, pulling it over his head and shoving the sleeves back. It was oversized on him, and Diego thought it was cute. 

Five continued to peel off his shorts, leaving them with the other clothes on the floor in front of his seat. He pulled up his legs, kicking off his shoes as he did. Diego moved to buckle up, and started the car. Diego knew Five was going to either fall asleep in the car, or the second he sat on the couch. "Do you want anything to eat when we get home?" Diego asked, glancing toward Five. 

Five shook his head. "I wanna lie down." Five stated. Five had his head against the seat, his body tilted slightly toward Diego. Diego took another glance as he paused at a red light. Five's skin too pale for comfort, and his lips were as rosy as his nose. It was odd, but not odd enough for Diego to dwell on. Five's hair was tousled, and his eyes were red. From Five's mood, Diego assumed it was either from exhaustion, or crying. 

The car began to move, and Diego gently placed a hand on Five's forearm. "You can fall asleep if you want, I'm sure I could manage carrying you inside." Diego said. Five shook his head, moving to lace both of his arms around Diego's. He let his head rest on Diego's arm too, and Diego decided to just focus on getting home. 

The ride was mostly calm, Five sniffling occasionally. When Diego stopped the car, Five sat up wearily, looking at the building in front of them. "I got a new apartment, I was gonna surprise you so I waited to tell you." Diego explained. Five just gave a slow nod. Diego moved to step out. Five moved to open the door. Before Diego could stop him, Five was stepping out in his socks. 

It was then that Diego spotted the redness on Five's knees. That didn't fit with any of the explanations he'd thought of. Diego ignored it for the moment, moving to step beside Five. "You really shouldn't be walking in this weather with just socks." Diego said, walking towards the doors as Five subconsciously followed. 

"They're the only thing that blood didn't get on." Five mumbled. Diego almost spoke, but decided against it. He quickly pulled out his card, and held it to the scanner. The door unlocked, and Diego pulled it open. He stepped aside so that Five could walk in first. Five did, but with clear hesitance. Diego followed, smiling to himself at how the hoodie went down to mid thigh on Five. It was one of Diego's smaller ones, too. 

Five walked ahead for a few seconds, but fell back next to Diego. "I have two bedrooms now, so that'll make the nights when you reject leaving my house a little more comfortable." Diego stated, walking toward the elevator for Five's sake. 

As he pressed the button, Five quietly said, "I'd rather be with you tonight." Diego just gave a small nod. 

"That's alright, I like making sure you sleep well." Diego replied. It always seemed to be him who found Five after nightmares, not that Five cared much. The two stepped into the elevator, and Diego quickly tapped the floor number. Five brought a hand up, lazily rubbing his eyes. 

The elevator dinged, and the doors opened. Diego carefully put an arm around Five's shoulder and pulled him close as they walked out. Five set his head on Diego, following his footsteps. They paused at a door shortly, and Five decided to keep a mental note of the number on the door. 306.

Diego pulled out a set of keys, quickly opening the door and ushering Five in. "I'm gonna grab a washcloth real quick, you can sit wherever you want." Diego said, watching carefully as Five gave a small nod. Five walked over to the couch that sat in the middle of the living room, and sat down. It almost looked like he fell back rather than just sitting. 

Diego made his way to the bathroom. He turned on the sink as he searched for a washcloth. When he found one, he got it wet with warm water. Turning off the faucet, he turned to walk back to the living room. Five had curled up at one end of the couch, and had his eyes closed. Diego knew he wouldn't have fallen asleep that quickly normally, but he didn't know if this counted as normal. 

Diego walked over, carefully sitting next to Five on the couch. Five, in turn, sat up slightly. "Did it soak through your shirt completely?" Diego asked, moving wipe under Five's nose. Five nodded. "Do you wanna take a shower? I can get you a T-shirt." Diego offered. Five shook his head. Diego gave a small hum. 

Diego was concerned about the way Five was acting. He was never this quiet, and usually wasn't as willing to let people help clean him up if he was hurt. Five almost looked like he was in a different world. His eyes were glazed over, and seemed to be stuck on Diego's. His expression was neutral mostly, save for him occasionally sniffling due to the developing cold that would no doubt be worse tomorrow. 

Diego wiped off Five's cheek gently, watching Five's reaction as he did. Diego had a hand on the back of Five's neck, almost as a comfort factor, and Five seemed to lean into the touch. "Hey," Five lifted his head slightly, his eyes looking as if they focused on him. "what happened?" Diego asked, his tone soft. Five's eyes froze on him, and his calm expression faltered. 

"You don't have to-" 

"It was you. I mean," Five looked as though he was trying to figure out how to explain it. "I jumped in my sleep, and I had to watch you die." Five explained, his tone of voice almost sounding mournful, even though Diego was right there. "Something was wrong, my mind was fucking up. I was stunned, and it just happened." Five added. 

Diego moved to gently grab one of Five's hands, having caught a glance of his palms earlier. "I knew what happened, but I just couldn't stop myself from thinking you were gone." Five admitted. Even with Diego right in front of him, cleaning off his hands, Five still found a part of himself thinking it wasn't real. The Diego he'd known all his life was there, his Diego was there. He just had to convince himself. 

Diego paused, keeping a gentle grasp on Five's hand. "I know that probably wasn't the best thing to happen, but at least it wasn't our timeline." Diego said. Five could hear the sympathy in his voice. Five sighed. 

"If anything happened to you, I genuinely think I'd lose my shit." Five stated. A smile tugged at Diego's lips. 

"I'd rather you don't, then you'll end up dead and we'll be arguing throughout the afterlife." Diego replied, finishing off with Five's hand and moving to let the washcloth fall onto the floor. He could pick it up later, it wasn't a crime to wait. 

"Maybe Klaus can wager on it." Five suggested. He didn't quite feel back to normal, but he felt a little better. Diego was magical like that. Five could go through literal Hell, be in the worst mood possible, and Diego would still manage to cheer him up. It puzzled Five, but he thought it best not to dwell on it. One question would always lead to another. 

Diego smiled, and moved to stand up. "I gotta go put this in the wash or it'll stain." Diego stated while grabbing the washcloth. "You can come with if you want." He added. Five gave a small nod, along with a smile. It wasn't necessarily genuine, but it didn't look fake. Five shoved himself off of the couch, and found himself leaning on Diego for support. 

Five was still exhausted, despite his mood rising slightly. Diego eyed him for a second, and Five gave a nod. Five straightened his posture, though it quickly fell. Diego began walking toward the bedroom, deciding that the washcloth was less important than getting Five to bed. Five followed closely, occasionally glancing toward something that Diego never really caught. 

As Diego walked through the bedroom door way, Five paused. Diego caught his suspicious look, and chuckled quietly. "I decided that I can sacrifice a washcloth if it's for you." Diego stated. Five gave a small nod, subconsciously dragging his feet across what looked like new carpet. Diego put the washcloth in the small hamper in the corner of his room, and moved to sit on the end of the bed. 

Five did the same. "Do you wanna go get another uniform tomorrow?" Diego asked. Five gave a small smile. 

"If you're willing to." Five answered. Diego took off the jacket he had over his shirt, tossing it to the side. 

"Of course, you're one of the family members I enjoy driving around." Diego replied. He kicked off his boots, and leaned down to take off his socks. "I would say the other is Vanya. Ben isn't horrible, but starts conversations that honestly confuse me." Diego added, leaning back up and glancing at Five.

"It makes sense, he was dead for a while, and his main source of conversing partners was Klaus. He's bound to have weird stories." Five stated. Diego gave a nod in agreement. 

"What side do you want?" Diego asked. 

"Either works." Five answered. Diego gave a hum, standing up to turn the lights off. The room was still partially lit due to the moonlight, and it was fairly warm. Diego was specific about the temperature in each room. It's better to be warm in bed, but cool while you're eating. 

Diego carefully got into the left side of the bed, and Five climbed into the right. Five was small, and fit nicely against Diego's chest. Diego also radiated a decent amount of heat, and while Five wasn't freezing anymore, he was still chilly. Five nuzzled into the warmth, and Diego smiled to himself, putting an arm around Five. As Diego's eyes slid shut, he could already feel Five's breathing slow ever so slightly.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so does this legally count as torture? I hope not, my FBI agent suffers enough  
> Thank you for reading this chapter! I will try my best to have the next one out within a week


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